My friends, Sorry for the length of this particular blog. I hope you will still honor me by reading it.
At the beginning of the summer, a friend encouraged me to not just begin blogging when I move over to the far side, but rather to start blogging now - during these last 5 months of training - so friends can know what's going on and know how to pray. She mentioned that satan will attack me during this time and that there are those who will want to join with me in prayer and fighting these attacks even before I move.
I very much appreciated her words, and understand the wisdom of what she was saying. I have not started until today, however, because I was unsure what to say. The summer felt chaotic and unsettled and while I was participating in my training, it certainly wasn't the focus for me.
But now, it's getting close to time to leave. There is a little over four months before I will be headed to China. That idea is shocking to me, but I believe this is right and of Father.
Honestly, I am often scared. I'm scared of not learning the language well. I'm scared of my inadequacy. I'm scared of being on my own when my friends leave. But more than anything, I'm scared to leave my community and friends here. I fear that I won't hear from anyone for a year, and when I return, the friendships will no longer be there. I know that some of this fear is unfounded - friends in Christ are forever friends. But this is where satan's trying to get me, friends. This is a weak point and he works to distract me with it. I've seen myself be distracted from training and preparing, from the love of the community that I am with now, and from any joy that comes from knowing I am joining the Lord in His work. Over the summer and as the time has come closer, I have noticed that thinking of moving has become only a sad thought to me. Every once in a while I would get excited - if I was talking to someone who could catch the vision with me, maybe - but generally, the excitement and joy is rarely there.
Today, I read in 1 Chronicles 21. I read the story in which King David orders Joab to count the fighting men in Israel. When this is done, God tells David that he must punish him and Israel for his sin of putting his faith in the number of fighting men rather than in God. He sends "pestilence" on Israel for 3 days, but when the angel that God had sent as a destroyer was reaching Jerusalem, God told the angel to wait. David saw the angel outside of Jerusalem (in the sky) and David cried out for mercy. God told David to build an altar to him on a certain man's land. David goes to the man and asks to buy the land for the altar and animals from him for the offering. The man tells David that he will give the land and animals to David to sacrifice to God, but David tells him no. The story is told also in 2 Samuel as well, and for the verse I want to point out, I like the 2 Samuel version better (although there is only a one or two word difference):
"But the king said to Araunah, 'No, but I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing.'" 2 Samuel 24:24
As I was reading this today, I thought, When before have I had the opportunity to offer something that really COST me something? I realized that often the things I offer to God are easy to give. I give Him some of my time which, all things considered, I am rich in. I give Him some of my money which, all things considered, I am rich in. I give Him all of my problems which is wonderful to give Him. I do work that is part of His heart and His work here in the states, and it is a joy - which doesn't mean it isn't an offering, but it never really COST me much.
So here I am, on the brink of this intensive time of training, fundraising, transitioning, goodbye-ing, and moving. I see clearly now, that I have a sweet opportunity here. I get to offer to the Lord my God that which cost me dearly. What a joy and a privelege. Friends, this is something I can rejoice in. That even when I am broken and hurting for what I am sacrificing, there can be joy that I have something to offer that costs me much and I get to give it willingly to my God as a fragrant offering to Him. And I believe it is. I believe that in my life, it is one of the most fragrant offerings I've ever had the privilege to give because it costs me so much.
Friends, pray that I rejoice in this offering. Please pray against attacks of the enemy to steal the joy of the Lord from me. Pray for trust and peace in what God has called me to do.
If you stayed with me this long, I applaud you. If not, the bolded stuff is the most important. ;-)
You are so loved.
Angela
