I Am From

I am from mess and noise

From stuffed animals and an old driveway basketball goal

I’m from the suburban brown bricks of the lower middle class

From fast food dinners, garage work outs,

And the tree in the yard that grew up while I did.

I’m from Uno games and yelling matches

From momma’s hugs and dad’s anger

From sisters laughing and tears flowing

And desperate desire for things to get better.

I’m from Bible stories and truth spoken

From Christian hip hop and learning to trust

From Houston basketball and not fitting in

From hopes and dreams laid aside for something better.

I’m from a mom who knew how to trust when nothing went right

And from the strength and faith that I learned in turn

From friends who taught me how to walk with Jesus

And from Jesus carrying me when I couldn’t walk.

Now, I'm from a city no one knows across the world from all I’ve known

From hours of language learning and loving those who don’t understand

I’m from longing for familiar and excited for where He has me

I’m from sharing with people who have never heard

And from Jesus putting me where He knows I belong.

I’m from hopes and hurts laid aside to follow Him.

----

Today, Shelovesmagazine.com is doing a synchroblog that has me inspired. The title is I Am From. Check it out here: http://shelovesmagazine.com/2013/synchroblog-i-am-from/
I enjoyed writing my own version of this post based on a poem by George Ella Lyon

Categories:

Home.

One of my favorite things is when David's words in the Psalms correlates exactly to words of Jesus or Paul in the New Testament. Especially when it is words I need to be reminded of or some of my favorite themes. One of those themes is "Home."

What does home mean to you? What do you do when you are home? What do you feel? What is the best thing about being home? What is the worst? What do you expect at home? What do you look for in a home?

Home can be a very hard concept for me. For one thing, growing up "home" was not a place I looked forward to being. It was often scary, hard, and full of anger. At the same time, I was comfortable there and knew who I was. When I went to college - specifically my last year of college and beyond, home began to take on different meanings for me. Home was where I could relax. I could be completely myself and not feel like I needed to be "on" as I did most of the time when I was outside my home. There were even a few other friends' or families' houses that I became so comfortable in, I correlated them with "home." For me, home is a place where I completely fit. I know exactly how I fit, and I can relax because I know who I am.

 Growing up "home" was not a place I looked forward to being.

 Now I live across the world from what I previously considered home (and for the most part still do), the great state of Texas. The problem that I started running into towards the end of living in Texas was that there were things about America that all the sudden didn't quite "fit." I didn't feel comfortable or relaxed there. I felt confused about if I should be like everyone else I knew or met, and was a bit unsure why I wasn't like them. If I thought hard about it, I knew who I was even there, but it was hard. It wasn't relaxing or very peaceful.

China, as much as I love it, will never be home.

Here I am across the world, and it definitely doesn't feel like home either. Although I love it here and there are a lot of things about the culture that make sense to me and I like even better than the states, I don't fit.  All you have to do is look at me to see how different I am. Everyday I am reminded that I am SO white. The culture can frustrate me, and being out and about in the city is tiring. I don't know the language, and even if I ever become fluent, it will be my second language. China, as much as I love it, will never be home. But, neither will America.

I desire somewhere I fit. Somewhere I can rest and relax. Somewhere I can know who I am and the people I love dearly from so many different places can be next to me. I've yet to be in a place like this, but I long for it so much that I could almost say I miss it. I know this place must exist because of the deep desire in my heart to find it.

I long for it so much that I could almost say I miss it.

Today I read Psalm 69, which if I'm being honest, is a bit of a depressing Psalm, but a few parts really spoke to the deep desire in my soul for home.

"For it is for Your sake that I have borne reproach, that dishonor has covered my face. I have become a stranger to my brothers, an alien to my mother's sons. For zeal for Your house has consumed me... For God will save Zion and build up the cities of Judah and people shall dwell there and possess it; the offspring of His servants shall inherit it, and those who love His name shall dwell in it." Psalm 69: 7-9

Immediately Father brought to mind a few favorite scriptures to add to the beautiful words I read:

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life." Matthew 19:29

"These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city." Hebrews 11:13-16

For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland.

I desperately miss my home. The one I know in Texas, and, even more so, the one I don't yet know with my Dad in heaven.

Would love to hear from you. Your thoughts on home, and any scriptures you may know or love about home. 

Categories:

And the winner is...

Let me first apologize for taking so long to post the results to this incredibly important and life changing contest.

The reason for the delay is that at first I went and bought a sun visor (which is what most people voted for). Unfortunately, I ended up hating it. Anytime the wind came from the wrong direction it would smash into my face and cause me to be unable to see, which turns out is not the safest thing in the world. In general, it was also uncomfortable. Finally, it was too dark to see through at night which is when most of the bugs are out in the first place.

I, therefore, went and bought the second most voted for item which was the traditional face mask. I like it. It works well. I've only swallowed one bug since buying it and that was because I forgot to put it on one night and was singing on my scooter. Open mouth + no face mask = swallowed bug.

So, without further ado, here is a picture of me in my leopard print, multicolored face mask atop my recently named scooter 小红 (xiao hong) which translates "little red." (One of my amazing Chinese friends named it and will no longer allow me to just call it "my scooter").

Categories:

Cruisin' Round Town on my Red Scooter

Check me out.

Ballin'. I know. Please notice the leather jacket. I amaze myself with how cool I am.

Really, though, riding my scooter around town is one of my favorite things of living here so far. I have so much fun with one earphone in jammin' my Christian Hip-Hop. You know how I do.

There is, however, a dilemma. It's getting hotter here and when it's hot, the bugs come out. In the last week, I've decided that I've swallowed too many bugs and need a solution. Now, there are very many highly fashionable choices to protect one from bug swallowing whilst riding a scooter. They are so fashionable, I'm not sure which option to choose. So, I'm putting it to a vote. I will post the options below and whichever style gets the most votes, I will buy and will post a picture of me wearing said option on my scooter.

A. The first option, of course, is the traditional and ever popular face mask (with many different styles available):

B. The second option is quite popular down here. The Sun Visor is functional and fashionable:

C. The third and final option is one that I have only recently found. Maybe not quite as fashionable, but possibly more functional:

It's up to you now, my friends. I am counting on you for help in this difficult life decision.

Categories:

Long Distance

It's hard to know what to post that is different than what I write in my emails to people, but here I am in East Asia and I know there is lots to say about my time here so far. 

I've been here a month and a half, and feel like I am slowly getting settled in. It's interesting the things that people told me about moving overseas that I heard over and over, but disregarded. For example, so many people told me it would be hard and draining to keep up with many people back home, but being the extrovert/people pursuer that I am, I wasn't too concerned. Turns out - every email, phone call, and skype date feels daunting. People want to know what is happening here, and how do I know what to say? I'm living life. Most days just feel like another day. They want to know what Father is doing in and through me, and right now my focus is learning language and at times I feel like I'm doing absolutely nothing. 

Also, many of my friends have never had friendships with people living in other countries, and don't know what communication in different time zones/situations looks like. I think it intimidates some of them, and so typically if I want to talk to someone, I have to make it happen. Probably people are just thinking that it's only been a month and a half and that's not too long to go without chatting with someone. Unfortunately, on my side of things, it's a month and a half rarely talking to anyone that is not here (and most people here speak only Chinese). I miss people a lot quicker, typically, than they are going to miss me. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. I'm not upset. It's just interesting and I'm learning how to navigate it. It's good to learn how to do community in different ways. 

Do you have any thoughts or tips about how to do community from afar? Would love to hear from you.

Categories: